Week: 7 days
day: 24 hours
hour: 60 minutes
minute: 60 seconds
second: 100milliseconds

primary activity: technical assistant and teachers aid
estimated day: 8 hours
actual job possible to perform: less than 20%
estimated days: 362
days left: 248

40% boredom
10% job
40% annoyance
10% unwinding

To explain those numbers i have to give a little background. Finland has four options for military service first is armed service, second is civilian service, third is prison and fourth well isnt really an option but, deemed unable to perform military service during peace time.

Armed service is basicly bootcamp for 6 months then maybe un/lucky extra months in officer training or specialization or such. not what id call my ideal setting but some older people (40's and older) tend to be very pro-armed service as they see it more worthy spending of time. partly due preconcieved notions of grandeur of finnish armed service. but i dont have a good idea of it since i havent even been there but thats the idea that i got from talking to friends and family about it. thus i chose civilian service

Civilian service to quote my trainer/teacher at the training center "civilian service is a place where all the druggies, hippies and gays go to" again that was more in a joking terms if anything. yeah there were few drug users, some lot of "hippies" and maybe even few gay guys there but i didnt care one way or the other about the first month (training period). most of the drug abusers and people who didnt want to perform the service got cleared out after first two weeks in medical check up or by talking to the director. in the end whole month was easy going for me.

just to summarize quickly prison is where you go and spend X months depending on lenght of your service and completely refuse to perform armed service. unable to perform service if you got psychological, medical, drug or any other problem or issue that completely prevents you from performing the service thought for that i understand the person is summoned every now and then for check up to see what their condition is.

anyway to continue on the civ service which i chose as my path. i ended up choosing a vocational school as my place of service. thought civilian service men do have bad rep for some unknown reason and back in mid 1900's they were used basicly as glorified slave labor by the places they got assinged to (this was before there was possibility of choosing place of service and certain protection laws for civilian servicemen) i have tremendous respect for people that survived that kind of abuse and branding just cause of their convictions and choice of not performing armed service. convictions which they had to prove to an comitee of military officers in a examination easy to say military officers that have gotten used to the idea of "armed forces first" didnt really like civilian service men that much. some of those misconceptions still exist today though they are distinctly less blatant and they are only getting more scarce thankfully.


But enaugh of that and time to move onto Abstraction bit of this journal,

ive been more or less stuck for a long while when it comes to art so im not sure how and where to proceed with it ive made models and gotten better at texturing them. unfortunately im not even certain what kind of setting or scene i need or want to do to those things, as my friend has said i tend to obsess about details that i miss the whole completely. which i admit i have something of a hard time stepping back and seeing whats missing.  not to mention being beaten tired on everytime i get home doesnt help either muchless lack of proper working enviroment. :/ as my current and present residence for past couple of years has been living room of my parents apartment as i dont have any money to get a place of my own and am employed. thus now that im slowly getting back up again im trying to get back to studying. hopefully if im lucky i can get out of here next year after im trough with civilian service and get back living on my own.though that might be somewhat hard.

as biggest thing ive noticed that bothers me is loneliness. majority of my friends are going about their own business and sometimes goes past weeks before i see or talk to them in any way. but life is and ive rarely been good at dealing with people . anyway thats it for now and i do apologize if this seems unclear or ranty but needed to went somewhere and this was as good of a place as any.


tl:dr brief history lesson and ranting of my current state (lazy buggers)