strange. i keep trying to reach for my dreams and ive told few of my friends to do the same and theyve gotten on a nice clear course for fulfilling their dreams. yet when i try to do the same i just wind up falling face first into mud again and again. i wonder if me trying to reach what i dream of doing is just making me miserable since i do seem to keep failing again and again while doing it. i quit school and IT studies because i was miserable in it had no real friends didnt get along with teachers and IT studies felt like they warent going anywhere. now ive been working hard as i can for an off chance i get to study 3d animation and visualization. well im not even certain enaugh that im good enaugh to get there. yet its the only thing i feel im good at. then why i keep becoming more and more miserable while trying to reach that goal. i dont even know what ill do when i get there. i keep asking my self why do i do this? and i allways respond because i love doing it and i want to become as good as i can be in it. again and again i feel like im falling face first in the mud while trying to get there. what im doing wrong i know i propably wont get a good or even a clear answer here but well this is kind of only place i can write this down to.